Baby # 2!

Almost 14 weeks in, I'm going to stop and reflect on the beginning of this pregnancy! Somewhere around 7.5 weeks ago I took a positive pregnancy test, and then another! I was floored because all summer long I had 'thought' I was pregnant, but never took any positive tests.. I guess I just fully expected it to be negative like they had been for the past 6 months! However, I went from floored to excited very quickly!!! So many thoughts.. 'I'm having a baby, my SECOND baby, I'll have two!!! Ayden will be a big brother! Who do I call first? I need to schedule a doctors appt, I need vitamins, THAT'S why I feel so sick..' etc, etc, ETC!

And then it really kicked in (the hormones, that is) about a week later. Sick as a dog.. I couldn't eat anything with a scent, or a flavor. That left me to plain pringles and 7-up. Every morning I would roll over and shove about 6 pringles in my mouth, and have a sip of water. Then at lunch I would eat a few more, and try soooo hard to have a few bites of something (anything) nutritious. Dinner time was the worst. I would gag as I made dinner, and then not even be able to join Jaymes & Ayden while they ate. HORRIBLE. I am so happy to say that I survived my first trimester, and I can eat food now (so long as there's no garlic in it.) For whatever reason, garlic, onion, avocado, and coffee made me more nauseous than anything else at the beginning. And garlic still does, big time!! I will stay clear of that stuff for a good long while, I'm sure! :)


Baby has been perfectly healthy through it all, Praise the Lord!! Because I don't know how I provided "nutrients" to this child via pringles. HA!!

Sometime in early December we will find out gender!!!! :) :) We're so excited & impatient. This time we're hoping for girl, but will be more than happy with a boy too!! As we did with Ayden, we will keep the name a secret until delivery!

This baby will be here in 6 months. Holy moly.

thoughts a mile a minute

I'm sitting here tonight thinking about how quickly time passes when you're a momma. I'm thinking about becoming the mother of two in 7 months, and how much is going to change between now and then. I only have that short amount of time left with just my first-born, my AJ. I'm trying to soak it all in, and find moments every day where him and I are truly bonding. I'm trying to embrace the terrible two's and not focus on the negatives in his behavior, even when they seem to be outnumbering (by the millions) the positives.

I'm trying to place this life completely in God's hands and stop trying so hard to control every situation on my own- because the reality is I CAN'T do this on my own. All of these things that mean so much to me, I can't do them without His constant, daily, hourly help. I've felt His tug on my heart extra lately, His gentle reminders that I need to slow-down, take a deep breath, and enjoy what's right in-front of me.. no matter what it may look like.

Most days it looks like a kitchen that hasn't been swept all week, with a sink full of dishes that are starting to smell pretty gross, a dog that's whining because I forgot to feed him (again), piles of dirty clothes laying everywhere, and a little boy who doesn't want me to clean anything! I'm very wired to clean, and in recent months I've had to ask myself why it's 'so important' for me to have a perfect house that smells wonderful all the time. I've found no answer- there is absolutely no one that cares what my house looks like when they come over! Ayden & Jaymes don't EVER care how clean the house is, they just want my quality time!!

So, if you're offended by messes, please don't come to our home. It's probably going to be a mess, but what I care about most, is that the hearts of the ones I love dearly are being fully nourished, and that the time I spend with them is completely undivided. Life is way way way too short to worry about these little things, so I'm putting them behind me and looking forward- to a messier future. :)

update, boring!

I've been wanting to update for so long, it's just been a matter of finding the time/energy to do it! I've gots to be honest, this past month or so has just been plain hard. I'm already wrapping up my first trimester which just doesn't seem possible- I'll be 10 weeks Monday! I've been sick, sick, SICK. Hardly able to eat anything at the start, and working my way back into some type of appetite.. it's been exhausting! I'm recovering from a horrible root canal and a UTI- both of which were/are very unpleasant! 2 rounds of antibiotics later and I'm feeling a little more human.. so I suppose this is good! Lord willing, I can put these 'first trimester health ailments' behind me now!! Baby is HEALTHY though!! He/she has a very strong heartbeat and I can already feel lots of little movements! I can't believe Ayden is going to be a big brother in just 7 months.. wow!

Not long after we found out we were expecting, we got news that my grandma has stage 4 cancer. It's so hard to grasp the gift of new life, and the end of a beautiful life at the same time.. my mind & emotions have been on a HUGE roller-coaster. She is considered stage 4 and will be starting chemo & radiation next month. With those treatments she's looking at somewhere around 1.5 years.. but without it would have been 6 months. She's taking steroids that make her miserable daily (sometimes 5x a day) and fighting with everything she has in her! I wish there was more I could do for her right now, and I'm having a hard time accepting that there isn't. I love her so much.

Ayden & Jaymes are both doing wonderfully. They are two peas in a pod these days, and Ayden much prefers 'dadda' over this girl! :) I think we're in the 'thick' of the terrible two's right now, and yet there are still sooo many times a day that I can't help but just smile at him! Ayden, you may be a strong willed little man, but I know your heart, and I love you for exactly who you are. Nothing will ever, EVER change that!

Jaymes got a promotion at work, a pretty huge one, and that will take effect next month! I'm very proud, he so deserves this. He's been working his butt off taking care of us all!! He goes to work, and then he comes home to a nauseous wife who half the time didn't cook anything for supper.. and never complains. aye aye aye.

I am blessed through it all!

Confession:holding onto the moments even when it's hard

In the past 2 days I've been screamed at, pooped on, pulled on, screamed at, and screamed at some more. I've been trying as hard as I can to find joy in every moment (even the hard ones), because I've been reminded more than ever lately how short life really is.

I will be the first to admit that this seems impossible to do somedays. When you feel like there's a literal brick wall between you and your child, it's hard to find the joy there. When you struggle so deeply with depression through your child's first year and a half of life.. that nearly all of the good memories are stripped away, it's so hard to find the joy there. When your child is given the 'terminal' diagnosis that you never expected, it's very hard to find the joy there. When LIFE HAPPENS IT'S HARD TO FIND JOY IN IT ALL! Can I get an amen??

So the question is this: how do we move forward, how do we accept ourselves as imperfect human beings, and how do we joyfully live in a world that's so dark?

We remember that this isn't our home. We remember that God is bigger than anything life could ever throw at us, and we CHOOSE to believe that even in the midst of the darkness, God's will is being done.

I've had a few very difficult days this week, and my friends have really come alongside and encouraged me. With random flowers, candles, and cards.. there is joy in the midst of life's valleys.

Ahhhhh :)

Oh my WORD! I feel so refreshed.. it's been so long since I've really, really felt this good!!! My parents so kindly took Ayden from us last night so that we could have a date night (YAY!!) It was so much fun, and here's what we did:

TGIF- dinner.
HOME- catch up on shows.
SLEEP- yes, yes YES. Lot's of it, too!
WAKEUP- donuts & coffee & devotions & chit chat with our neighbors!

By the way, not only did our neighbors pray over us for the things God is doing in our lives, but they gave me their antique Schwinn bike- jahdasuigywuiegyuwgeayui!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT'S HOW EXCITED I AM TO HAVE A BIKE AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!! :) :) :) :) :) Seriously so nice of them.. I don't think I've ever met more kind-hearted people in my life! We need more of them in this world.

Literally, that's it. It was soooo relaxing to do absolutely nothing strenuous!! To just enjoy the peace & silence (which every good mommy and daddy deserves). :)

I am so thankful (understatement) that we get the opportunity to do this once a month. It's such a blessing to have BOTH sets of grandparents living right around the corner. Honestly don't know what we'd do without these 'us' nights!!!


SHOUT OUT TO MY FRIENDS: If you do not have this kind of support, please let Jaymes & I be that for you! We will absolutely take your kiddos for the night so you can get the time together you NEED! I love you all!

Ella Lanay

As some of you know, I've been volunteering some of my time to work with this little angel weekly. She is the bravest person I know, and yes, she's a whopping 12 months old!! It's such a blessing to see how many lives she has touched in such a short time, and to see how she's drawing people (even strangers) closer to the One who cares most. I want to share with you how she has changed ME in just 6 months!

When I came alongside the Hunt family in this journey, I NEVER expected to be encouraged by them, to be changed by the perspective, and the way they live abundantly every day. It truly is amazing to see a family come together and fight this disease with unconditional love! Yes, medically speaking they have a terminally ill child, but when you go into their home that is the last thing on your mind.. Ella is such a happy baby, and she is so overwhelmed with love that she simply has no time to focus on the negatives of this illness. You walk into a home filled with the Holy Spirit, more so than I've felt in any other house! They focus on TODAY, not yesterday, but today. They capture and cherish every moment, even the not-so-fun ones, and give thanks even in the darkest of times.

I really started the healing process from my PPD/Anxiety when I saw how they were able to live in the midst of such chaos with hearts full of thankfulness and love. Before them, I didn't know how to do that on my own, I was simply stuck. I can never thank Ella, Erica, Dan, Noah & Carter enough for letting me be a part of this journey, and for encouraging me daily by the way they choose to not live in fear!! God is using them in such Mighty ways, and I am so humbled by their faith.

eucharisteo

I just finished rocking my son to 'sleep' (to the point where he said he was ready to lay down). I SO treasure these last moments of babyhood with him!!

I was singing some of my favorite worship songs over him during this special time, and was just completely consumed by the Holy Spirit.. especially when I started singing "In Christ alone". I could feel Ayden's body relaxing more and more into mine, and I could feel my soul relaxing more and more into my Father's arms. It was Heavenly.

At the completion of the song he tried to keep his eyes open long enough to find my face, say "goooodnigh" and give me such a sweet kiss! You are so very loved, Ayden James.. please don't ever forget that!

Momma

Bye bye baby

Ayden James turns 2 next month, and of course, I'm experiencing all sorts of bittersweet emotions!
I want to spend some time going over the things that are still very 'baby' about him, as he transitions into little boy.. these things are dear to my heart.

*His SOFT skin. I just love stroking his arm, running my fingers over his cheeks, and playing with his chunky baby thighs!

*His CHUNKY baby thighs. Yes, they have started to thin out, but there's still plenty of chunk left to love on. :) I love watching them jiggle as he runs!

*Butt dimples. Oh yes, my favorite.

*That he still LOVES being rocked to sleep for the night. There's nothing like seeing this 'ALL boy' boy just relax into my arms, suck his thumb, and wind down.

*Thumb sucking. He still does that, and I, for one, think it's adorable. Especially when he tries to smile and keep sucking!!

*How he loves to snuggle up while we watch shows, and play with my bellybutton (goofball)!


More than anything, I'm just overwhelmed with thankfulness!! Thankfulness for 2 years of LIFE, thankfulness for how our relationship with him has blossomed so much in such a short time, thankfulness for that smile, and thankfulness for the good and bad! ALL OF IT!

What an honor, and immeasurable blessing it is to be his mother.

His strength is made perfect in my weakness.

That's the truth! And the truth will set me free!

Verses I'm focusing on this week & why:

Philippians 4:8- Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things.

Colossians 3:2- Set your mind on things above, not earthly things.

2 Corinthians 12:9- "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

   * As a mother, I struggle often times with feelings of pure inadequacy. And this week, I'm feeling them more than ever with the absence of my husband. Satan works very hard at showing me all of the things I'm not 'great' at, and making me lose sight of all my strengths. I know with all of my heart that I am a mother because the Lord has called me to the privelage of raising one of His children. He didn't make a mistake when he chose me for this job. He knew I would struggle with anxiety, and depression throughout early motherhood.. HOWEVER, He.still.chose.me. I am still the best match for my son. Days when I feel weak, which is most, I don't have to rely on my own strength (THANK GOD)! I have every reason to be weak on my own, but because I'm a child of the Lord, I can lean on Him through the moments when the enemy presses hard. And in Him, I am anything but inadequate.

Today's precious lasts

As much work as it is keeping up with an ALMOST 2 year old boy, there's so much joy my son brings me! I want to go through a list of my favorite things he's been up to lately so I never forget these moments!!

*Watching him walk around the house on the phone (which is sometimes a real phone, sometimes a toy phone, and sometimes his hand) talking up a STORM! He mostly rambles even though he knows plenty of words, I think he just wants to sound like he's carrying on a conversation.. so he just says whatev! So stinkin funny to watch! :)

*That I can still rock him to sleep if I want to, but he doesn't HAVE to be rocked! My favorite moments with Ayden are when we're snuggled up close, so rocking him to sleep is so very special to me- and he falls asleep super fast if I sing to him! Watching his little eyes close, and seeing him just totally relax in my arms, it's surreal. I'm so spoiled. :)

*How when we pray peace over him, he repeats it back to us with a huge smile- "PEE!" :)

*The way he interacts with others- I can already tell this kiddo is going to be a softy. He hates to see his friends upset, and becomes very concerned when they cry! He picks up on emotions very easily, which is a good and bad thing!

*When you ask him where Jesus lives he says, "HEH!" (Heavens) and points to the sky, and then when you say, "Where else can he live?" He says, "HAR!" and points to his heart!!!

*And of course, his obsession with bellybuttons, cars, trucks, bikes, tractors, and anything with wheels. :)


So blessed with this boy!

House projects!! :)

Moving into a new home is so exciting! And even though we've been here for almost 4 months now (wow!) there are still soooooo many things we want to do with this place! So here's a list for those interested in seeing what we're up to! :)

*Landscaping- a never ending project! Good thing we love fresh air! :) This includes planting more grass, taking down trees we don't like, tearing down an old shed, trying our hand at gardening, and trying to keep up with the dang weeds!

*Painting the living room, bathrooms, and bedrooms. We've painted our kitchen & dining room a beautiful teal & white combination- walls are teal, cabinets are white! We've chosen a deep red as our accent color, and it's super pretty! I smile every time I walk in there!

*Carpeting the hallway and bedrooms.

*Hanging pictures/decorating more in general.

I'm just still so thankful that we can call this place our HOME. Thankful that we don't have to worry about re-locating every few years to re-station, thankful that we have the most genuine neighbors, and that God's hand (as usual) was in the very center of us purchasing this beautiful house!!

PS- if you haven't seen it yet, you need to come over! :)

Pippy Ta Ta!!

I have had SUCH an amazing day with my handsome little boy! I've been working really hard at being a very intentional parent, by that I mean making sure I'm taking every opportunity I have to teach him right from wrong, actually taking the time to explain the difference instead of using bribes or redirection, and then giving him the chance to make the right decision himself. A.lot.of.work (most days) but I know the pay-off is going to be more than worth it, actually, it already is!

This morning Ayden starting saying, "Pippy ta ta!" I have NO idea what it means, I'm pretty sure he's just saying it because it sounds funny.. but who knows!! It's ridiculously cute! :)

He has been SUPER smiley all day. I have been on the receiving end of many slobbery kisses, and he has told me that he loves me twice!!! :)

He listened to me very well during our grocery shopping adventure, and managed to get through all of his mini tantrums without causing too big a scene.. ;)

He "CHEESE"'d for a picture, and it turned out super cute!!

I purchased him a new toy today: a bubble blowing lawn mower- he took that thing around our house no less than 10x in the first hour we had it. He absolutely LOVES it! He pushes it and says, "Mo GRA!" (Mow grass).

He snuggled up with me for nap today, and decided to be super silly before falling asleep. He rolled over to me, plugged his nose and said, "Pee yew!" Which is what he hears me say all of the time! haha! We did that back and forth for a few minutes, along with some tickle pickles, and he fell asleep perfectly content in about 20 seconds when I said, "time for nap!" :)

ALSO, my new favorite: When we ask him where Jesus lives, he points to the sky and says, "In the Heavens!" More like, "Heh!" (his form of Heaven!) And when you ask him where else, he rubs his shirt and say's, "In my heart!" More like, "Har!" :)


This post is for me, I know it's not exciting to most, but it's important that I remember these special moments with my gift from Above! :)



I LOVE YOU, AYDEN JAMES HEARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sweet dreams cutie pie

Tonight Jaymes & I decided it best to put Ayden to sleep in our bed with us. He's super congested for whatever reason, and I didn't want him getting worked up over being put in his crib (like he has in recent days) and then not being able to sleep because of even worse congestion!

Long story short: We laid down with him after reading his bed time stories, turned out the lights, prayed, and turned on the sound machine. During nap today I used the same method (sleep with mommy) for the same reason and it worked in about 30 seconds! Tonight, Jaymes fell asleep about 30 seconds in, I pretended to be asleep so Ayden would stop talking, and Ayden kept turning from Jaymes to me, smiling up a storm because he was in-between his two most favorite people at bed time!! :) After awhile I thought he was about to drift off but instead he started pointing to my nose, teeth, lips, and eyes.. and smiling as if to think "she has no idea I'm doing this.. mwuahaha!" Little did he know I could see it all through a little crack in my eye. It was precious, it's a memory I don't want to forget.. the simple things in life that make us most happy!!

We had to put him in his crib because he just wouldn't fall asleep after all, but he's going down peacefully so far!

I LOVE THAT BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mismatched candlesticks

My husband and I are two totally different people, we always have been. I think we notice more now, then we did while dating our differences. It’s our choice to let Satan have his way with them, and fued… or, do what the Lord designed us to do TOGETHER.

Sadly, I’m human. I don’t always choose the Lord’s way. There’s times when dangit, I just want to win- I want my point proven. I bet the enemy just loves those moments when I choose my human desires over what’s best. You see, sometimes God draws two TOTALLY different people together because there’s something amazing in each of them, that the other needs. And when they work hard at setting their differences aside, a strong team is created. A team that the Lord can use to further his Kingdom!!

Why does it matter if I’m right, anyways? Or if my ‘point’ is proven.. I’m pretty sure it’s not MY point that needs to be proven to begin with!

There are so many things I can’t do without my husband’s support, his guidance, and his leadership. I have to make a conscious effort every day to forget the things that inevitably drive me ‘crazy’ about him, and love him for who he is (flaws and all!)

I love you, Jaymes Heare!

Forgetting who I am.

I 'stumbled' across a devotional this morning that spoke very loud to me (or, God placed it in my path for a specific reason!) ;)

The main jist was this: A mom of 3 young boys realizes how miserable she is, she struggles daily with feelings of inadequacy & exhaustion, and is completely overwhelmed. She asked herself, "After struggling with 3 years of infertility, shouldn't I be enjoying every single moment of this? What is wrong with me??"


After reading this, I started thinking about how I struggle with the same thoughts! Not every day, and not after struggling with infertility, but I do!! And what's wrong with me? Nothing! I'm human, and those feelings (in doses, might I add) are completely normal! ESPECIALLY with 3 little boys!!

She goes on to say that she knew her soul needed refreshment. She was totally consumed in the day-to-day life of 'stay at home mommy' and she was starting to lose who SHE was beyond that. She chose to find herself again, in the middle of the chaos!


She started creating little 'moments of peace' throughout her home. Fresh cut flowers on her table, a pretty coffee mug, a ruffled blouse. She knew that the answer to peace wasn't found in these things alone, but in Christ. However, finding her identity was a start!

Here's the link, it gave me such a boost!!!


http://glynniswhitwer.com/2012/05/do-you-ever-feel-like-running-away/

When God does a work..

There is so much on my mind right now it's ridiculous! After MUCH deliberation, I think I've decided which topic to blog about tonight.

God is working in me through many different circumstances and people. I've noticed that the harder He works at helping me 'fix' certain areas in my life, the harder the enemy works at stopping Him from getting through to me. I'm in awe of His still small voice! The simple fact that He loves me enough to tell me the same.exact.thing 1,000 times before I ever hear it.. the fact that He doesn't love me any less for the times when I don't listen.

Jaymes & I were talking about legacies, and life purpose last night when the Lord spoke to me (very loudly): "You're here because I want to do an INCREDIBLE work through you, and the reason you feel the enemy tugging that much harder to stop your progress is because he's afraid of what you'll accomplish through MY strength!!!!!"


I told Jaymes immediately what I'd been told, and he smiled as if he already knew.

I have absolutely no idea where the Lord will lead me, or what He's working on accomplishing in my life.. but I can tell you this much, it's going to be something I'll be proud to leave a legacy on!


"Here I am, Lord, send me. Here I am, Lord, I'll go!!!"

Being thankful for every moment.

My son will be 19 months old tomorrow! He is teaching me so much about life every day.. every moment of every day. I'm learning that things like a clean house don't matter. Sounds crazy, right?! Maybe to some, but I see it like this: I'll have forever to do dishes, sweep, mop, do laundry, etc. However, I will not always have this little boy in my home to love on. Yes, he will always be a part of my life.. a HUGE part of my life, but now doesn't last forever.

Life is short, very short. For some of us, too short. I've been blessed with the opportunity to work with a family who knows firsthand how precious every moment is. They have pushed me to accept every single moment as a gift (especially the mother, Erica... she is such an inspiration to me!) I am thankful for the fits that never seem to end, for the tantrums thrown at the worst possible times, for the early mornings, for the messy house, for the moments when I don't think I can fight any longer, for EVERY SINGLE MOMENT.. because I'm alive!!!! Because my son is alive!!! Because my husband is ALIVE!

Because we've been blessed with another day.

Slow down.

Something that's been hitting home for me lately:

I'm guilty of watching the clock, and I'll be the first to admit it. "WHEN is nap time/my next break?!" I know this is destructive and it sets me up, but I also know full well that I'm human and cannot expect myself to not get exhausted from being a mother to an almost 2 year old!!! So I pray for energy, patience, and most of all unconditional love every day.

Just yesterday, a thought that's crossed my mind many times came in again, but with a deeper meaning. Ayden is only under MY loving care for a few more years. Yes, I will always be his mother, and Lord willing our relationship will always be strong, but he'll be 18 before I know it. Legally speaking, that means he's not 'mine' anymore. Bullet straight through my heart.

I have to make these moments count!!

Dishes can wait, who CARES if the house is a wreck! I get so 'busy' with life that I often times forget to slow down and simply enjoy what's right in front of me, my precious son.

I love you so much, Ayden James!

Home is where the heart is.

We've been having so much fun together in our new home it's crazy. The transition has been insanely smooth, so thank you to those that prayed specifically for that on our behalf! Ayden is having the time of his life, and is spending 95% of his days outside because of this BEAUTIFUL weather! He's a little past 18 months now, and I wanted to make a quick list of some of my favorite memories for this month of his life.

Bouncing in my arms (dancing) while I hold him.

Blowing raspberries on my belly, and mouth.

Kissing my boo-boo.

Playing with my bellybutton when he's tired.

Making it his goal to get a crowd laughing.

His love for being barefoot (just like momma).

The way he watches the older boys play across the street.

His genuine concern for how someone's feeling.

His smile, and those big blue eyes.

How he talks- the things he says/ways he says things.

My heart is so full of love, and although this age is difficult in many senses.. I refuse to let the negatives over-shadow the many positives! :)

One .more. week

This is exciting. I mean, REALLY exciting!!!!!!!!!!!

We have officially started our 'one week countdown' to the day that we move into our new HOME! That's right, this time next week, we'll have signed all the final documents & the keys will be in our hands. Wow wow wow..

I just want to take a few moments to thank my parents (Bruce & Vonni) for their unconditional support this past year and a half. I don't even know where to begin in all honesty, they have been so selfless and have given us so much during our stay here. I guess all I can say is that I'm forever grateful to have parents that love me and my family so much! So thank you guys for all of your support, and for sharing your home with us for an extended period of time-we love you!!

Although moving to a new place will be a tad bittersweet, there are a countless number of things we're looking forward to. As we embark on this new journey, I want to send a few prayer requests out to my prayer warriors:

1.) That the transition would be smooth for Ayden, Jaymes, and myself. As of now, Ayden's used to seeing grandma & grandpa every day (even if not for long). That's going to change, and we don't want him to be upset. I'm praying that in his new environment he'll have too much else to focus on! Things will obviously be different for Jaymes & I as well, and we just pray that we'll ease into our new life smoothly!

2.) That we would continue to be motivated to live financially wise. Obviously, moving into a new home costs some money.. living in your parents basement doesn't. Needless to say, things will be a little more tight than we're used to, but we're prepared, and it's ALL worth it!

3.) That we wouldn't have any crazy neighbors, and that we'd be welcomed into a loving neighborhood! From what we could see, we are surrounded by elderly folks. Which is GREAT, that just means peace & quiet.. hopefully! ;)

We will keep everyone updated on home progress as we move in. We plan on posting before & after pictures so that everyone can see from start to finish what we accomplish! Also, we're in need of a few helping hands on Saturday the 10th. We'll be moving our big furniture items on that day, and so far, the friend's we've asked are busy. We plan on providing lunch for those who can help us! Please be in contact with me if you are able to assist! :)

Spending time with God

This is a journal entry I wanted to blog, from last week.

Today I caught myself focusing on how bad I feel when Ayden prefers spending time with someone else. Destructive thought process if I were to dwell on it, however, it brought forth an incredibly valid point in my heart: How does God feel when I prefer spending time with facebook, etc? At the least, 10,000x worse than I feel when my son chooses something over me.

WOW.

So, what do I need to do differently in my life? Obviously something. I so look forward to spending time ALONE when Ayden goes to sleep, that I often get absorbed in pointless things (because they take no effort). Problem with that is, I'm not coming out of those 'breaks' refreshed. There's still something missing, rather, Someone. It is incredibly hard for me to be still, I've used as a coping mechanism 'keeping busy' for the longest time.

I want to set an example for my son, NOW. I want to show him the importance of placing God ahead of ALL earthly things, always. I've decided to force myself every night, before I do ANYTHING else, to spend 30 minutes in silence with my Savior. It's a work in progress, I usually look at my clock a few times to see how long it's been because I'm so anxious to DO something. Some nights I don't even do it. However, I'm praying that this will become so natural for me that I can't not do it. I need someone to keep my accountable!

struggles (vent-post)

My son is 17 months old, and in all honesty.. this is a very difficult age for me. I find myself often just wanting to say, "Seriously Ayden, again?!" I really hate feeling that way.

I hear from the majority of my friends that their children also went through the worst of the 'terrible twos' around this age, so that's comforting! However, usually by the time my husband walks through the door, I am BEYOND. ready. for. his. help!

In this season especially, I can't help but wonder how God feels when we rebel toward Him..

I've been challenged to examine my life and ask myself what things I may be doing/saying/thinking that don't please my Heavenly Father. Guess what, folks? I'm very human. I have a list!

I want to lead my children by example. I don't want to be a hypocrite. I want them to see God's light in me through every season of their life's. And most importantly, I want them to know that they are unconditionally loved by their Heavenly Father, and their parents here on earth!

that's the way to momma's heart..

Ayden is intentionally showing his love for us, like crazy these days!

This morning we were on our way out the door for a playdate, and Ayden was just SO thrilled that we were getting to go somewhere! He was talking up a storm when I told him where we were headed, then he started kissing me over & over & OVER again! I probably got 10 kisses (at least) in less than a minute. I couldn't stop smiling!

This is what I live for, moments like these.

living in the moment

I feel so compelled to share what's on my heart tonight.. living in the moment, and cherishing it for whatever it may be.

I know how hard that is to do when your toddler is throwing the thousandth tantrum of the day, when your newborn woke up 8 times that night, and decided to wake up for good at 4am.. or when your toddler & your infant both woke up all night, and both had hard days.

What goes through your head when life happens? When your expectations are proven unrealistic? I know for me it's how intensely I wish I were experiencing anything else! I also know with all my heart, that's not what the Lord wants me to focus on..

I could go on for hours, but I just want to hit one main point here: our time on earth is short.

Instead of focusing on the negatives in 'unfortunate' circumstances, praise God that you're able to experience them! You're ALIVE!!! Praise God that you have the opportunity to raise one of HIS children to know right from wrong! Praise God that in those moments you have the opportunity to draw closer to Him, and rely on His strength instead of your own.

Amen?

winter time with a toddler

As I sit here watching Veggie Tales with my handsome little man, I can't help but think about how old he's getting (and how stinkin' smart he is)!! Winter time with a toddler is hard, in the sense that you can't get out as much as either of you would like. However, we've made it our goal to go somewhere at least twice each week. It's good for him, and for me too! Here's our favorite winter-time play places. Please share yours, too!

The mall has 2 terrific areas for your little one to get their energy out! The main play area just outside Barnes & Noble, and then our favorite- Barnes & Noble itself! There's a huge train track station that Ayden loves, thousands of books (obviously), and a really cute little stage with chairs and benches. Oh, and if your child is as obsessed with 'HOT' things as mine, there's a large fireplace in the center that they can stare at and ponder for hours, okay seconds.

The Healthworks Kids Museum. I have yet to take Ayden there, but I really REALLY want to! I volunteered there in middle school, and it's such a neat place for little ones to explore! I can't wait to take him, but I would rather do it with a buddy-system because it's in downtown SB. Anyone?

The LIBRARY! Who ever thought a library was JUST for reading?? Ours has an outstanding play area that Ayden also enjoys! There's also toddler story time, that we're planning on attending starting next month! :)

I'm also up for fun craft ideas for little boys! We've done our fair share of experiments, and I'm in need of new ones..

moving forward

It's 2012! WOW. Really, I just feel old saying that!

I'm praying this year will be full of happiness, health, and love for my family & friends! I'm definitely excited for what's to come. :)

I have been so, so busy lately with my healing process that I think I've slacked a bit on my friendships. I'm genuinely sorry for my lack of presence in most, all of your life's! I find the more I have in my schedule, the more stressed I become. So for awhile I really just had to focus on relaxing. However, I've distanced myself unintentionally more than I meant to through that process! I need to work on being a better friend.

I am happy to say that I'm doing a lot better than I was a few months ago!! My depression is not by any means 'gone', nor my anxieties. But my awareness of God's plan through this, and His presence in this, is much stronger.

I have been in counseling for somewhere around the last 2 months, and it has been a HUGE tool given to me by the Lord, in my healing process. My eyes have been opened to new perspectives, and the Truth. I feel a little more alive, a lot less tense, and a LOT more thankful for the progress I have seen. I plan on updating more soon, but for now I just thought a brief update would suffice!

Cherish the now, you don't know if you'll have tomorrow!