making memories

To say that today was full of goofiness, and laughs, would be an understatement.

Ayden is learning (very quickly) that when he does something funny, it makes other people laugh. So needless to say, most of his time is spent trying to engage others in his fits of laughter. :)

I will share my 2 favorite 'goofy moments' of the day, but you expect more in the near future.

I took Ayden to the mall to play for a bit today. When we got there, it took him a few minutes to warm up to all of the other kiddos and to really start showing his true colors, but boy did he! If you've been to the mall's play area, you'll probably be able to picture this pretty well.

He went to the center of the 'area' and let out a little, "AH!" with his hands up in the air. It was like a mini-scream. He looked around, expecting someone other than mommy to be looking at him in response, but no-one. He did it again, a little louder, "AH!!!" but still no responses. So finally, with all of the strength his little lungs could muster-up, he let out a HUGE, "AHHHH!!!!!" with his hands now shaking. I just burst into laughter at his attempt to make such a large group of people laugh at him!! What a cutie pie! A few people stopped and looked after that scream, probably more wondering what on earth he was doing than anything else! ha!

Next, and my favorite:

To say Ayden enjoys reading is an understatement. This boy will hand you the same book over and over and over again until he's had enough, and then it's on to the next. We read the same one sometimes a half dozen times before he's satisfied! I love his eagerness to read, and hope it continues to grow as he does!

Anyhow, on to the real story. We were reading a story-rhyme book today, and 'The itsy bitsy spider' is one of the songs in it. I sang it, and kept going on to the next one, but he refused to go much further in the book. He actually turned the page back (which NEVER happens), and had me sing it again, and again. After maybe 3 or so times, he would point UP with my up motions for "up the water spout"! And then, he put both of his hands up in the air with open hands, as if he were trying to motion the sun, when I said, "out came the sun"! He did this for at least 10 minutes.

I thought this was the end, but after we left the room and started playing with other toys, he looked at me and pointed UP. It took a second for me to realize it, but he wanted me to sing it again! He's been doing this all day, and it's ridiculously cute. I will get it on video tomorrow, and post it. :)

I love the imagination he brings out in me. I feel like a child myself when we're playing, and there's no better feeling in the world than watching him smile, and know he's having the time of his life with me. It makes me feel complete!

Love my happy, silly boy! :)

do not be anxious!

Sometimes I really just want to 'throw my hands up in the air' and give up. A lot of times there is no real trigger to why my moods change so fast, they just do. And I have very little control over it, which makes matters even more frustrating. Happy, sad, happy, sad.. a mad, vicious, cycle.

Jaymes came home a few nights ago after a very long day at work. He wasn't able to make it back until Ayden was already in bed for the night, so the evening was long for us too. He came in the door and asked me how my day went, I replied, 'It was HARD.' I was exhausted, my depression had been horrible all day, and I was just ready to turn the lights out and call it a night. We lay there in bed just chatting, when he asked me what he could do to make things better. I just told him to keep praying for me, and to offer me any advice if the Lord gives it to him (which He often times does- there's nothing quite as powerful as the Lord speaking directly through your husband, let me tell you!)

Again, back to just chatting. Jaymes was doing some research on his phone about the symptoms that bother me most with this whole mess. Just trying to find some sort of help. We came to the conclusion that one of the biggest reason's healing hasn't fully taken place yet is because I am anxious. I am stressed. I am worried that things will never get better. I spend almost every moment of every day focusing on what I THINK I'm doing wrong.. as time wastes away.

Philippians 4:6- Do not be anxious about ANYTHING, but in EVERYTHING, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

I forced myself, and I mean with every ounce of my innermost strength, not to be anxious yesterday. Not to worry. But to focus on relaxing, and trying my best to have fun. I succeeded. I know this is the start of something big in my recovery process, and I am excited.

Matthew 6:34- Therefore, do NOT worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own.

I start counseling very soon, I am looking forward to learning more techniques to help me relax, because it is very hard for me to do. I can very easily physically relax, don't get me wrong. I'm talking about mentally relaxing. That's darn near impossible for me.

Anyhow, I am so thankful for the Lord's provision, and for the ways He uses my husband to lift me up.

I am blessed. Too blessed to be stressed.