Quick update

WARNING: this is not a happy post.

Long, long story (that I really don't want to talk about right now) short.. my depression has taken a turn for the worst. I contacted my doctor, his recommendation was exactly what I feared, starting the mood stabilizer. This means no more nursing, and no more children (for now). I am heartbroken, and torn. Jaymes & I do believe this is what the Lord is calling me to do, though. I need to do this in order to be a better wife to my husband, and mother to my son. I'm discouraged because I know Ayden isn't nearly ready to completely wean, and Jaymes & I were looking forward to trying for more babies.. (very soon). My doctor has called in the prescription for me, and it's ready for me to pick up. I don't know when I'll start it, even IF I'll start it yet. I am so discouraged, friends. Please lift me up in prayer!

The Lord has a plan with everything, I'm just BEGGING that He'll show me a glimpse of this plan soon.

seven wants

*Seven Wants*

(7 of my earthly wants, in no particular order..)

1.) A second car. We've been working really hard on getting one for awhile now, but it's hard for us to find the time to sit down together & discuss what we want/get the bank on the same page as us with the loan etc. Ayden really needs to get out of the house more often, due to his energy levels, and wild sense of adventure! He loves exploring the world. Needless to say, I will be very excited when we are a 2 car family again!

2.) Our own home. Jaymes, Ayden and I have been living with my parents since November of last year when we got out of the Marine Corps. It's been hard because no matter how well you get along with your parents, combining 2 families/routines/lifestyles/schedules/etc. into one house can be hectic at times! We have been SO blessed by their willingness to house us for this time, and are incredibly thankful for their generosity. However, we are very excited to have a place of our own again! :)

3.) A Canon EOS Rebel. I'm getting this for Christmas, I just don't know it yet *wink wink*. And this is all I'm getting for Christmas, too. Those suckers aren't cheap, but they are worth every dime. The pictures captured are priceless, and I want to be able to capture better memories for my family to cherish! I'm excited!

4.) A new wardrobe. I have some cute clothes, but if you know anything about me, you know I'm almost always in jeans & a t-shirt. This is not at all because that's 'my style'. I just don't have the time to look cute on most days, and I'm okay with that! :)

5.) A real honeymoon. Jaymes & I never had a 'real' honeymoon due to lack of time, and money for that matter. We had to get back to California because the Corps needed my husband back. However, we are planning a beautiful getaway together (still years down the road).. I'm pretty sure it's going to be worth the wait ;) We'll take mini vacations until then!

6.) For nights to be longer & days to be shorter. It just seems like for most people, it would make more sense! We go to sleep exhausted, and wake up exhausted, right?? Maybe it's just a momma thing, but I could TOTALLY use 12 hours of sleep a night! I love Friday nights, because my amazing husband takes over Saturday morning and let's me sleep in as long as I need to! Funny thing is, I'm usually well awake by 10. My body just can't seem to let the day waste away like when I was younger and slept in till 1 or so. Crazy that was just a few years ago. So much has changed!

7.) A German Shepard! I think they are beautiful, and Dozer needs a 'built in' playmate..! I don't know if I'm ready for 8 paws in the home quite yet though.. we'll see.

Have a wonderful weekend with your families!

Enjoy this beautiful fall weather while it lasts :)

eight fears

*EIGHT FEARS*

I know I slacked on my '10 day challenge' but I'm picking back up! Here it is..

1.) Never completely healing from my depression on this earth. This is a very real fear in my life, and I know I'm not supposed to worry, but I am human.. and if you are in my shoes you understand why this is a very legitimate fear for me. However, I fully trust the Lord's plan for my life.. and that's the truth I cling to daily. He makes this life bearable!

2.) Car wrecks. I am terrified at the thought of losing a loved one to a car accident. Losing a loved one at all, for that matter. But when I'm behind the wheel, I am very conscious of those around me. I never want my family to be in the newspaper for this reason. I know too many people that lost their lives behind the wheel, and I can't bear the thought of what those they left behind had to/continue to go through.

3.) Kidnapping. Period. I never let my guard down. I'm never 100% comfortable leaving my son with anyone other than my husband and I, only because I know how much more aware we are of our surroundings (others) than most, and how well we're able to defend ourselves and our son. Yes, I'm a paranoid momma, but you'll never catch my son on the news. Thank you, Marine Corps!

4.) Spiders. I. hate. them. I'm a firm believer that the Lord did not create them. Demons in disguise. They may fool you, but not me. I'm maybe a bit OCD too, I vacuum corners/ceilings/places where those suckers try to make their home more than the average person may.. :) And really when it comes down to it, I just scream until my husband hears where I am, and kills them for me. If he's not home, I'm not comfortable with JUST 'killing' the spider either. I need to crush it, and smear it. I need to make sure there is no possible way it can come back to life. And for those that think it's cute to 'decorate' with spiders for halloween... you're on my list.

5.) Bees. I've never been stung, and I'm honestly not worried about myself either. However, when one comes near Ayden, it's very hard for me to 'sit still and let them be' like you're supposed to. I want to swat and kill! As I'm sure you know, If a little one has an allergic reaction to a bee sting it can kill them, and quickly. I wish I could have an epi pin on hand 'just incase' but it's not possible without a prescription. I don't agree with that, I believe they should be readily available for anyone with children under the age of 10- no prescription needed. My mom works at a doctors office & recently experienced a little boy around the age of 5 who was clinging to life because of a bee sting. He was just eating ice-cream with his parents one second, "OUCH" the next, then his throat was closing moments after. I cannot fathom being so helpless.. this world can be so mean. It's just one of those things you have to trust the Lord has in His hands. This world isn't perfect, and life is so very precious! The little boy DID survive, I'm happy to say, but what a horrible thing to have to go through because of a BEE. So this is why I fear them.

I really don't have any other fears that are worthy of sharing, actually, I can't think of any more at all.. maybe I'm just exhausted from our long day of playing outside! It was perfect weather for little man to enjoy, and enjoy he did! He wants to be outside ALL day now. He's content after waking up from naps for maybe 15 minutes, then he's at the door pounding and fussing until I take him outside! We spent maybe a few hours inside today, tops. But I am so happy he enjoys the outdoors so much- there's nothing like fresh air all day!! Happy baby, happy momma.. :)

Sweet dreams, friends!

Nine loves

*NINE LOVES*

1.) Candles. There's just something about them. I love the scent, the flame, the flicker.. everything about candles. I prefer scents that are are relaxing- vanilla & sandalwood is one of my favorites! My son recently decided that he also, shares my love for candles. But he prefers eating them!

2.) Drama. In the form of television- only. Kardashians, Real Housewives.. love love love!

3.) My doctors. I have seriously been blessed with the greatest group of people taking care of my health- I have a wonderful relationship with all of them. From my dentist to my my OBGYN, I.am.blessed. If you are looking for a doctor, ask me. I will hook you up!

4.) Family. Jaymes & Ayden are my world. Those guys keep it spinning, and I don't know what I would do without them both in my life. They love me unconditionally & I could not ask for more than that as a wife or a mother. I LOVE YOU JAYMES AND AYDEN!

5.) Shopping. I sometimes get carried away with material things, like the average woman can.. but for the most part I just enjoy grocery shopping! Food excites me, and I'm always on the lookout for new recipes to try. Yum, again.

6.) The Lord. He is my rock, and He is by NO means #6 in my life.. (this isn't an "in order" list!) I wouldn't be here without Him, I wouldn't be healing from a horrible depression without Him, and I would suffer an eternity in hell without Him. I think I'll leave it at that- He is #1.

7.) Organic goodness. I am addicted to eating organic food! I still eat plenty that isn't organic, but I really love knowing what's going into my food.. rather, what ISN'T going into my food. 'Down to Earth' is my absolute FAVORITE store. I love it more than any store in the mall!

8.) Laughter. Best medicine out there!

9.) Sleep. At the end of my long (but incredibly rewarding) days of chasing Ayden, there is NOTHING better than collapsing into my comfy bed, under the big comforter, and passing out. Simple as that- I love sleep.

Long, long, long day today! Full of shots, appointments, & a screaming baby.. I am so ready for #9.

10 day challenge

I came across this 10 day challenge via another blog I follow, and thought it looked fun! I normally don't do things like this, but every once in awhile I give in. If nothing else, it's a good way to unwind! This particular post could be interesting, seeing as I don't really have a lot of "secrets" that one person or the other doesn't know about.. but we'll see what I can come up with, maybe I'll shock everyone! ;)

*TEN SECRETS*

1.) I love scary movies, but I can't watch them unless I want Jaymes to escort me to the restroom (in the middle of the night.. when it's dark) for the next month. The last one I watched was over 2 years ago, and it still re-plays in my mind like it was yesterday- horrible!

2.) I am addicted to "smell good" things. Scentsy's, wallflowers, candles.. I love them all. You won't find a room in our home that isn't equipped with one or more of these things!

3.) I am also, addicted, to a few "taboo" television shows- Keeping up with the Kardashians, and The Real Housewives of New Jersey. I. am. obsessed. I will leave it at that!

4.) Biggest pet peeve- people that know-it-all. I don't have friends like this, and fortunately I'm not related to anyone like this (give or a take a few..). When I cross paths with this breed, I remove myself from the situation quickly so I don't say something "silly"! Nobody knows everything, and sometimes we're ALL wrong!

5.) I sleep talk like crazy. I often times wake myself (and my husband) up by talking aloud. I did it last night, and husband moaned at me.. I imagine it gets old- sorry babe! :)

6.) I am on a "eat minimal sweets" diet in favor of my depression. Sweets are a quick high, with a mean drop. So, instead of eating them during the day, I shove them in my mouth in the middle of the night after Ayden nurses- I see it like this: My "drop" has to happen while I'm sleeping, so I don't suffer ANY consequences from this.. right? Right...

7.) My husband does the laundry in our household (minus Ayden's) because if it were up to me, I wouldn't do a load until we were both out of underwear! I am a total clean freak, but I hate hate hate laundry. Thank you, husband for being so gracious and taking on this chore. :)

8.) I procrastinate a LOT.. (see above^). I may seem to most people like I have "it together", but I promise you there's at least one task always "pending". Right now, it's a massive amount of medical bills we've accumulated over the past few months. yuck.

9.) My sister is 13 years older than me, and my best friend. I love her!

10.) I often times forget we have a dog, and forget to feed him/water him/let him outside.. I've gotten much better though, promise! We love you, Dozer!!!

Hope you all are having a great week, and got some form on enjoyment from this!

Entering into the "toddler" phase

Ayden James is now a toddler! A TODDLER! I'm coming to terms with it, but I will never stop saying how crazy fast time goes. Blink. Another year, come and gone! Literally, that fast!

Whew, okay enough of that.

Cute little fact: "toddler" in the dictionary, is "one who toddles".. and we are finding this to be very true these days! Ayden enjoys cruising around the furniture now more than crawling, he will even stand straight up without holding onto anything! He just hasn't figured out that he doesn't have to go back to his knees to move around. Soon, though. I don't doubt it! We've actually joked that he's going to skip walking and go straight to running- which wouldn't surprise me a bit with the amount of energy he has! :)

His vocabulary is ever-widening. "WOP, dap, da, mmma, and up" are the words you will hear him say most. Wop is his newest, and most favorite. (I will do my best to post a video soon of how he says it because it's just too cute!) He just roams around the house saying, "Wop DA wop wop wop" all day long! I've never heard/seen anything cuter!

We're working on animal sounds & letter sounds with him, and he's catching on rather quickly! His eyes light up when you do one of his favorites- cow "mmm "M" mooooo" smile smile smile, rip the toy cow out of my hand and examine every inch of it! Then sometimes you'll hear him say, "Mmmma!" He tries so hard!! I love helping him learn these things! His world is opening up a little more every day.

Ayden's hair is getting so long, and I.LOVE.IT! He has 2 absolutely perfect symmetrical curls on the sides of his head. It adds such character to him! My husband has said once or twice that he needs a good haircut, but I'm starting to notice that he's falling more and more in love with the length/curls too. Which is a good thing, because a haircut wasn't going to happen. ;)

He eats. And he eats a LOT. On top of nursing every 3 hours (and at least once in the middle of the night), he eats 3 full meals, and 1 snack. And I wonder why our grocery bill is so much?!! This boy eats more than we do! Well, more than daddy. But, I have to keep up with Ayden- that's my excuse! He does have a "picky palate" if you will. He won't touch most red meat, and if his chicken isn't perfectly tender- forget it! Fruits & veggies are always a go. He recently decided okra (raw) was a delicious snack! Me too. So needless to say, he's getting PLENTY of nutrition.. one way or another.

That's all for now, just thought a little Ayden update would be an appropriate way to start the week!