living in the moment

I feel so compelled to share what's on my heart tonight.. living in the moment, and cherishing it for whatever it may be.

I know how hard that is to do when your toddler is throwing the thousandth tantrum of the day, when your newborn woke up 8 times that night, and decided to wake up for good at 4am.. or when your toddler & your infant both woke up all night, and both had hard days.

What goes through your head when life happens? When your expectations are proven unrealistic? I know for me it's how intensely I wish I were experiencing anything else! I also know with all my heart, that's not what the Lord wants me to focus on..

I could go on for hours, but I just want to hit one main point here: our time on earth is short.

Instead of focusing on the negatives in 'unfortunate' circumstances, praise God that you're able to experience them! You're ALIVE!!! Praise God that you have the opportunity to raise one of HIS children to know right from wrong! Praise God that in those moments you have the opportunity to draw closer to Him, and rely on His strength instead of your own.

Amen?

winter time with a toddler

As I sit here watching Veggie Tales with my handsome little man, I can't help but think about how old he's getting (and how stinkin' smart he is)!! Winter time with a toddler is hard, in the sense that you can't get out as much as either of you would like. However, we've made it our goal to go somewhere at least twice each week. It's good for him, and for me too! Here's our favorite winter-time play places. Please share yours, too!

The mall has 2 terrific areas for your little one to get their energy out! The main play area just outside Barnes & Noble, and then our favorite- Barnes & Noble itself! There's a huge train track station that Ayden loves, thousands of books (obviously), and a really cute little stage with chairs and benches. Oh, and if your child is as obsessed with 'HOT' things as mine, there's a large fireplace in the center that they can stare at and ponder for hours, okay seconds.

The Healthworks Kids Museum. I have yet to take Ayden there, but I really REALLY want to! I volunteered there in middle school, and it's such a neat place for little ones to explore! I can't wait to take him, but I would rather do it with a buddy-system because it's in downtown SB. Anyone?

The LIBRARY! Who ever thought a library was JUST for reading?? Ours has an outstanding play area that Ayden also enjoys! There's also toddler story time, that we're planning on attending starting next month! :)

I'm also up for fun craft ideas for little boys! We've done our fair share of experiments, and I'm in need of new ones..

moving forward

It's 2012! WOW. Really, I just feel old saying that!

I'm praying this year will be full of happiness, health, and love for my family & friends! I'm definitely excited for what's to come. :)

I have been so, so busy lately with my healing process that I think I've slacked a bit on my friendships. I'm genuinely sorry for my lack of presence in most, all of your life's! I find the more I have in my schedule, the more stressed I become. So for awhile I really just had to focus on relaxing. However, I've distanced myself unintentionally more than I meant to through that process! I need to work on being a better friend.

I am happy to say that I'm doing a lot better than I was a few months ago!! My depression is not by any means 'gone', nor my anxieties. But my awareness of God's plan through this, and His presence in this, is much stronger.

I have been in counseling for somewhere around the last 2 months, and it has been a HUGE tool given to me by the Lord, in my healing process. My eyes have been opened to new perspectives, and the Truth. I feel a little more alive, a lot less tense, and a LOT more thankful for the progress I have seen. I plan on updating more soon, but for now I just thought a brief update would suffice!

Cherish the now, you don't know if you'll have tomorrow!

making memories

To say that today was full of goofiness, and laughs, would be an understatement.

Ayden is learning (very quickly) that when he does something funny, it makes other people laugh. So needless to say, most of his time is spent trying to engage others in his fits of laughter. :)

I will share my 2 favorite 'goofy moments' of the day, but you expect more in the near future.

I took Ayden to the mall to play for a bit today. When we got there, it took him a few minutes to warm up to all of the other kiddos and to really start showing his true colors, but boy did he! If you've been to the mall's play area, you'll probably be able to picture this pretty well.

He went to the center of the 'area' and let out a little, "AH!" with his hands up in the air. It was like a mini-scream. He looked around, expecting someone other than mommy to be looking at him in response, but no-one. He did it again, a little louder, "AH!!!" but still no responses. So finally, with all of the strength his little lungs could muster-up, he let out a HUGE, "AHHHH!!!!!" with his hands now shaking. I just burst into laughter at his attempt to make such a large group of people laugh at him!! What a cutie pie! A few people stopped and looked after that scream, probably more wondering what on earth he was doing than anything else! ha!

Next, and my favorite:

To say Ayden enjoys reading is an understatement. This boy will hand you the same book over and over and over again until he's had enough, and then it's on to the next. We read the same one sometimes a half dozen times before he's satisfied! I love his eagerness to read, and hope it continues to grow as he does!

Anyhow, on to the real story. We were reading a story-rhyme book today, and 'The itsy bitsy spider' is one of the songs in it. I sang it, and kept going on to the next one, but he refused to go much further in the book. He actually turned the page back (which NEVER happens), and had me sing it again, and again. After maybe 3 or so times, he would point UP with my up motions for "up the water spout"! And then, he put both of his hands up in the air with open hands, as if he were trying to motion the sun, when I said, "out came the sun"! He did this for at least 10 minutes.

I thought this was the end, but after we left the room and started playing with other toys, he looked at me and pointed UP. It took a second for me to realize it, but he wanted me to sing it again! He's been doing this all day, and it's ridiculously cute. I will get it on video tomorrow, and post it. :)

I love the imagination he brings out in me. I feel like a child myself when we're playing, and there's no better feeling in the world than watching him smile, and know he's having the time of his life with me. It makes me feel complete!

Love my happy, silly boy! :)

do not be anxious!

Sometimes I really just want to 'throw my hands up in the air' and give up. A lot of times there is no real trigger to why my moods change so fast, they just do. And I have very little control over it, which makes matters even more frustrating. Happy, sad, happy, sad.. a mad, vicious, cycle.

Jaymes came home a few nights ago after a very long day at work. He wasn't able to make it back until Ayden was already in bed for the night, so the evening was long for us too. He came in the door and asked me how my day went, I replied, 'It was HARD.' I was exhausted, my depression had been horrible all day, and I was just ready to turn the lights out and call it a night. We lay there in bed just chatting, when he asked me what he could do to make things better. I just told him to keep praying for me, and to offer me any advice if the Lord gives it to him (which He often times does- there's nothing quite as powerful as the Lord speaking directly through your husband, let me tell you!)

Again, back to just chatting. Jaymes was doing some research on his phone about the symptoms that bother me most with this whole mess. Just trying to find some sort of help. We came to the conclusion that one of the biggest reason's healing hasn't fully taken place yet is because I am anxious. I am stressed. I am worried that things will never get better. I spend almost every moment of every day focusing on what I THINK I'm doing wrong.. as time wastes away.

Philippians 4:6- Do not be anxious about ANYTHING, but in EVERYTHING, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

I forced myself, and I mean with every ounce of my innermost strength, not to be anxious yesterday. Not to worry. But to focus on relaxing, and trying my best to have fun. I succeeded. I know this is the start of something big in my recovery process, and I am excited.

Matthew 6:34- Therefore, do NOT worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own.

I start counseling very soon, I am looking forward to learning more techniques to help me relax, because it is very hard for me to do. I can very easily physically relax, don't get me wrong. I'm talking about mentally relaxing. That's darn near impossible for me.

Anyhow, I am so thankful for the Lord's provision, and for the ways He uses my husband to lift me up.

I am blessed. Too blessed to be stressed.

CVS-ing

I am so proud of myself! I am starting to 'coupon' really well!! My sister would be so proud ;)

I went to CVS and purchased something a while back. I got $8 extra bucks back on it (woohoo)!

My goal was to really start the couponing with these 'extra bucks' and not just spend them.

I went back this past week to purchase diapers ($11.99) Skittles ($2.87) and eyeliner (10.99). The particular brand I wanted was doing a special deal, spend at least $10 on their makeup and get $7 back in extra bucks. So, essentially, pay $3 for amazing makeup!

*drum roll, please....*

My grand total was, $27.84. I handed over my $8 in extra bucks, and watched my total drop to $19.84. Then, I received another $7 in extra bucks for my makeup purchase!

This means, I got $27.84 worth of merchandise for $12.84.

Oh. Yes.

six places

1.) Prarie Camp- This is where it all began. Jaymes & I met here. At a church camp that we had both gone to for years. Funny thing is, we had almost all of the same friends, and had never crossed paths until the summer of 2005! The Lord's timing was absolutely perfect though, and I never would have guessed that the 'jerk hogging the couch' in the Mondich cabin, 3 years later would become my husband! We went back there this summer to watch 2 great friends get married, and the memories were everywhere. This place will always hold a special spot in my heart!

2.) The Riverwalk- I guess technically, this is really where 'it all began'. Jaymes proposed to me here. On a beautiful summer evening, during a local concert's 'break' on a stage, infront of hundreds of people. Some of our closest friends were there with us, for what I thought was just a picnic. Family was there too, but hiding in the background somewhere! I will never forget how this all played out. We're sitting there with the Pannabeckers on our blanket, eating our fried chicken, and all of the sudden the lead band member says, 'Okay, we're gonna take a short break. We have a very special guest here today who wants to say something. A Marine on leave from Okinawa, Japan. Cpl. Heare, come on up!' (or something of that nature, honestly, at this point, I'm getting a LITTLE nervous..) I was thinking, '.. that's my boyfriend..!' Jaymes pulled my hand and said, 'Come on! Follow me!' He ran up to the stage, as I staggered behind, grabbed the microphone, said something to the crowd, and then, (as he took a knee) 'Abigail Ruth, I love you more than anything in this world and I want to share the rest of my life with you.. will you be my wife?' Yes. yes. yes. This is a very special place for us to visit, as it also brings back a very special memory to us.

3.) San Clemente, California- The first place we lived together, after getting married! This wasn't our 'own' place, as we shared it with a fellow Marine that Jaymes worked with, but it was our starting place. We split rent, it was comfy, and cheap. I will never forget this place because well, for lots of reasons, but mainly because this was the start of married life together. We learned a lot in the few short months we stayed there, and made lots of memories we'll always treasure.

4.) Dana Point, California- This was officially, our FIRST place together as just the 2 of us. We fell in love with our tiny 800 something square foot apartment, and stayed there for a year. Beautiful, beautiful town to live in. Shops and restaurants, basically right in our backyard, and the ocean a mile away..! It was very bittersweet to leave there, but, we'll be back to visit someday. ;)

5.) Mission Viejo, California- This was our 2nd place together (really, the 3rd I suppose). We moved here because this town was a little bit cheaper than Dana Point, because we were expecting our first baby, and needed a little more space! We brought Ayden home to this apartment, and he spent his first 2 months of life in it. It was even harder to leave here than it was to leave Dana Point. But we weren't just moving to the next town, we were leaving to go back to Indiana.. very bittersweet move. We will be going back to California someday to show Ayden where he was born, and where mommy & daddy started their life together! And I can't wait!!

6.) Fiesta Tapatia- This one may just seem silly in comparison to the others, but it's our favorite restaurant! Owned by a Mexican family, with outstanding, AND cheap food! We spent lots of time there when we dated, when we were engaged, with family, alone, and with friends. The owners welcome us like we're family everytime! So just a place we go to a lot for good food, and lots of laughs. Tons of memories were made here too!