do not be anxious!

Sometimes I really just want to 'throw my hands up in the air' and give up. A lot of times there is no real trigger to why my moods change so fast, they just do. And I have very little control over it, which makes matters even more frustrating. Happy, sad, happy, sad.. a mad, vicious, cycle.

Jaymes came home a few nights ago after a very long day at work. He wasn't able to make it back until Ayden was already in bed for the night, so the evening was long for us too. He came in the door and asked me how my day went, I replied, 'It was HARD.' I was exhausted, my depression had been horrible all day, and I was just ready to turn the lights out and call it a night. We lay there in bed just chatting, when he asked me what he could do to make things better. I just told him to keep praying for me, and to offer me any advice if the Lord gives it to him (which He often times does- there's nothing quite as powerful as the Lord speaking directly through your husband, let me tell you!)

Again, back to just chatting. Jaymes was doing some research on his phone about the symptoms that bother me most with this whole mess. Just trying to find some sort of help. We came to the conclusion that one of the biggest reason's healing hasn't fully taken place yet is because I am anxious. I am stressed. I am worried that things will never get better. I spend almost every moment of every day focusing on what I THINK I'm doing wrong.. as time wastes away.

Philippians 4:6- Do not be anxious about ANYTHING, but in EVERYTHING, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

I forced myself, and I mean with every ounce of my innermost strength, not to be anxious yesterday. Not to worry. But to focus on relaxing, and trying my best to have fun. I succeeded. I know this is the start of something big in my recovery process, and I am excited.

Matthew 6:34- Therefore, do NOT worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own.

I start counseling very soon, I am looking forward to learning more techniques to help me relax, because it is very hard for me to do. I can very easily physically relax, don't get me wrong. I'm talking about mentally relaxing. That's darn near impossible for me.

Anyhow, I am so thankful for the Lord's provision, and for the ways He uses my husband to lift me up.

I am blessed. Too blessed to be stressed.