WARNING: this is not a happy post.
Long, long story (that I really don't want to talk about right now) short.. my depression has taken a turn for the worst. I contacted my doctor, his recommendation was exactly what I feared, starting the mood stabilizer. This means no more nursing, and no more children (for now). I am heartbroken, and torn. Jaymes & I do believe this is what the Lord is calling me to do, though. I need to do this in order to be a better wife to my husband, and mother to my son. I'm discouraged because I know Ayden isn't nearly ready to completely wean, and Jaymes & I were looking forward to trying for more babies.. (very soon). My doctor has called in the prescription for me, and it's ready for me to pick up. I don't know when I'll start it, even IF I'll start it yet. I am so discouraged, friends. Please lift me up in prayer!
The Lord has a plan with everything, I'm just BEGGING that He'll show me a glimpse of this plan soon.
The other thing is this: Either way, I cannot abruptly wean Ayden. He still nurses q3 hrs during the day, and if I were to take 6 feedings (over 24 hrs) completely away from him all at once, he would go crazy (mot to mention what my hormones would do to me.) I don't want to force wean him, either! All along the plan has been to breastfeed until he no longer needed it. Now, I could easily take away one of those six meals, but that would still leave us with 5. I just don't even know where to begin, I want to do what's best for everyone. And I believe the Lord will show me His wisdom as I try and figure this all out, but this is a. lot.
ReplyDeleteI'm totally drowning my sorrows in white chocolate raspberry italian icecream tonight. That'll solve everything.