Discouraged, yet hopeful..

Last Tuesday (the 16th), I had a follow up appointment with my doctor in regards to my depression. You've all heard the story where "the air left the room when the news was broken". Well, this was similar to one of those. It went like this:

"So, Abby, how are you feeling now, a month later?"

"Well, I'm happy to say my anxiety is gone (thank the LORD), however my depression has hardly lifted, and that's the main issue I need solved! It seems like I have a good day, then a bad day, then a good day.. (etc.) my husband & I were discussing maybe the possibility of bipolar depression?"

Okay, now time-out. What's the FIRST thing that comes to your mind when you hear the word "bipolar"? Crazy person, right? Well, that stereotype can be very accurate for certain people, I'm sure. However, there are many people that suffer from bipolar and you'd never know it! It's actually a type of depression. It's diagnosed by the ups and downs in the depression, and the lack of consistency in mood. So one day, you may feel like you're doing pretty good, and the next.. you just want to sleep.

Okay, back to story-time.

Doc "Well, you did suffer from that when you were a bit younger, remember?"

"I do. You put me on lamictal (a common mood stabilizer), and it seemed to help a little."

"Yes, what you probably need now is a mood stabilizer in conjunction with your antidepressant so that you don't have to deal with the fluctuation in moods (good day, bad day, good day..). Without the stabilizer, your antidepressant isn't going to help much."

"Okay! Well, what are my options?"

"Well, we have a bit of a problem. There are no mood stabilizers that are safe for nursing/pregnancy."

Dead silence for a few moments.

Me: "Well, what am I supposed to do, then? My son has hardly started the weaning process, and we absolutely want more children..!"

"Well, you have a few options. Obviously you'll want to discuss them with your husband before we make any decisions today. The first is that the 2 of you decide you can handle life as it is right now, and make it through the rest of your pregnancies (and years of breastfeeding) without the help from the stabilizer. The second, is that you stop nursing, start the mood stabilizer, and when you decide to get pregnant again, come off it. I highly advise against this route, because you will have a huge drop in your depression again."

There was a 3rd, he's just too nice to say it: Start the stabilizer, stop nursing, and have no more children.

"So basically, none of those are going to work."

We sat there for a few more minutes when the "light bulb" went on in my mind.

"What if we tried raising the dosage of my anti-depressant, so that even if my moods fluxuate, the "downs" aren't so horrible. Make sense?"

"It does! We can certainly try it, and see how it goes.. hope for the best."

So that's how it ended, we doubled my dosage, and within the next few weeks I'm supposed to notice the difference if it's going to help.

We're asking for prayer, friends.

Basically, this is either going to work, or it isn't. If it doesn't, I don't know what we're going to do. We don't have any other options but to A: Suck it up, or B: stop having children.. neither of those are going to work for us.

The Lord has a plan with this, I know He does.. but it's really, really hard to focus on that right now.

I'm getting all of my vitamin levels checked this week, just to rule out the possibility of any contributing factors to the depression. I had my thyroid levels checked last week, and those came back normal.. so that's good.

I will continue updating as we learn more, and make decisions.

Thank you for your support!